


Ramble On

by red0aktree



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Depression, Fluff and Angst, M/M, and a puppy named Zeppelin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-11
Updated: 2014-03-11
Packaged: 2018-01-15 03:04:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1288807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/red0aktree/pseuds/red0aktree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU in which Starfleet sends their most prized captain, James Tiberius Kirk, to marry the Augment Commander: Khan Noonien Singh. </p><p>Though things are difficult in the beginning, the two men start to find solace and comfort in a situation neither wished upon themselves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ramble On

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Man They Couldn't Hang](https://archiveofourown.org/works/845909) by [sexyvanillatiger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sexyvanillatiger/pseuds/sexyvanillatiger). 



> Khan's character is based off Star Trek Into Darkness and the Star Trek: Khan comics.

 

 

Everything was a dull grey, as though all light in Jim’s life had faded at the news. A peace-offering, they said. Jim would be a hero, they said. He would love it, they said.

 

“I don’t get what you’re saying here, kid,” Bones said, leaning back in his chair, twirling a pen between his fingers. “You’re getting married?”

 

“An arranged marriage, yeah.” Jim said grimly, eyes downcast.

 

“To a freaking superman?” Bones looked disgusted.

 

“Prince of the supermen, actually.” Jim laughed, the sound was sorrowful and empty.

 

“Augmented humans,” Spock corrected, “Alternatively, Khan is not a prince, he is the commander.”

 

“And you don’t have a choice?” Bones chose to ignore Spock completely.

 

“Nope.”

 

“Who’s going to be captain of the Enterprise?” Bones fretted.

 

“Spock,” Jim answered.

 

“So this is it then?” Bones asked, “You’re going to be sent off, and we can’t see you again?”

 

“Not unless he arranges it, no.”

 

Bones’s face fell, and he pressed his lips into a thin line. Bones rose from his seat and made his way toward the door, before stopping behind Jim’s chair. Bones placed a gentle hand on Jim’s shoulder.

 

“What a great fucking hand to be dealt, kid.” In it’s own way, it was a comfort. 

 

* * *

 

James Tiberius Kirk, captain of the USS Enterprise was set to marry the augment’s head commander, Khan Noonien Singh.

 

When the SS Botany Bay was uncovered and Khan’s crew unfrozen, they were integrated into society, given a small planet near Vulcan, and expected to live as a separate race. The augments lived in compliance with the rest of the world, for the most part.

 

Jim had heard stories of the augments, everyone in Starfleet had. They were said to be emotionless, cold-hearted machines. Huge and terrifying and more powerful than anyone you would ever meet. The augments were said to comply by Earth’s rules only so they could eventually start an uprising, killing everyone who got in their way.

 

This was only partially true. Augments, the superior race they believed themselves to be, only barely tolerated normal humans. The augments has no intentions of harming the humans, they only wished to disassociate themselves from human rule.

 

However, the most accurate rumor was of the augment commander. He was said to be dangerous, cold blooded and otherworldly, and above all he was said to be lonely. Starfleet offered up a proposal to appease the augment commander’s emptiness and assure themselves an alliance with the augments in case of war with an opposing force.

 

Thus formed the arranged marriage of Starfleet’s most prized captain and the augmented humans’ beloved commander.

 

The wedding date was in late September on Khan’s planet. Both grooms dreaded the date like a plague.

 

* * *

 

The first time Jim Kirk laid eyes on his future husband was on their wedding day. He wasn’t monstrous in size or made of pure muscle or desperately charming. In fact, he looked completely human, completely normal. In fact, Jim didn’t find him particularly attractive at all. Quite the opposite, actually. Khan did have an aura of power, though. It was impossible to ignore.

 

Jim didn’t speak except to agree to the marriage. Once they were wedded, Khan led Jim to their small house, an office, a bathroom and one bedroom which they were to share. They entered together in silence. Jim kept his head low.

 

Jim submitted himself to Khan’s body, and they consummated their marriage in dull repetition. It was harsh and quick and as Jim laid spread out before the augment, he fought back tears for all that he had lost.

 

Khan left Jim to sleep alone in the bed once they finished. Jim wept and pleaded for the world to stop. 

 

* * *

 

Life with Khan was different from what Jim expected. The two didn’t talk often, and when they did it was clipped and short. In fact, it was often like Khan wasn’t there. Each morning when Jim awoke, Khan was gone, already at his office down the road, busy organizing events or starting wars, or whatever it was he did. He often returned late at night. Rarely did they see each other at all.

 

Jim was kind to Khan, and paid him the respect he deserved, but their relationship was still cold. Jim was frigid toward his husband, and avoided most interaction with him. Bitterness had built up inside of Jim, and he felt a sluggish hatred for the other man.

 

Khan, too, was distant, but kind. He treated Jim gently when they interacted, but he avoided most contact, just as Jim did. The difference was in Khan’s appreciation for Jim. There was something simply intriguing about James Tiberius Kirk, and Khan wasn’t entirely sure what it was.

 

* * *

 

The first acknowledgement of the situation was from Khan. The two sat in a companionable silence in the living room one evening, Jim reading and Khan sorting through documents on his PAD.

 

“I’m very sorry about all of this.” Khan said, speaking seemingly out of nowhere.

 

“For what?” Jim asked, looking up from his book.

 

“This. Us,” Khan replied, “I know this isn’t what you wanted. It isn’t what I wanted either. But for what it’s worth, I am grateful you are here.”

 

Jim was silent, considering the other man’s words until Khan exited the room intending to go to sleep.

 

“Wait,” Jim called. Khan stopped at the doorway, watching Jim. “I’m sorry too. I… You’re right. This isn’t what I wanted, but, since I’m here… We can make it work, right?”

 

“Of course. Goodnight, Jim.” Khan left the room without waiting for a reply. Jim sighed and curled into a tighter ball in the armchair.

 

Khan was still awake when Jim climbed into their bed. He didn’t say anything, but watched Jim with careful observation.

 

“I think, maybe, we should start with communication.” Jim said, talking to the ceiling.

 

“What?”

 

“Talking. I think it would help up.”

 

“Yes. I certainly think it might.” Khan nodded, watching Jim.

 

“Well then, let’s start now,” Jim glanced at Khan, flashing him a small smile. It was the first time Khan had seen Jim smile. “My name is James Tiberius Kirk. I was captain of the USS Enterprise, my favorite color is blue, and I like fast cars.”

 

Khan smiled.

 

“It’s nice to meet you, James Kirk.”

 

* * *

 

Though Khan’s house was small, it seemed endlessly vast and foreign as Jim wandered about it during the day. He missed the closeness of the Enterprise. Jim found himself craving communication of any kind, with anyone.

 

“Why don’t you spend time with the others?” Jim asked cautiously one night as the two ate dinner, desperate to start conversation.

 

“I do. Do you not see me go to work every morning?” Khan said sarcastically, the corner of his full lip twitching upward. He seemed pleased that Jim had chosen to talk today.  

 

“I mean like outside of that. Do you guys like… not do things for fun? How come you never go out to the bar or anything like that?”

 

“The others do. I have no desire to.” Khan said, green eyes scrutinizing Jim, “Did you… Would you like to?” Jim paused a bit at the offer. Khan would allow that?

 

“No. Not really.” Jim answered finally. Khan nodded slowly, returning to his food.

 

Jim hadn’t spoken to any of the other Augments much. Every now and again Khan would bring them to the house to discuss political matters, and Jim would catch sight of them. Khan introduced Jim, it was always as Khan’s husband, never as Jim or Kirk.

 

Jim remembered one instance in particular, Khan had introduced Jim to a tanned, muscular augment named Riker. Riker was loud and bawdy and reminded Jim a bit of himself when he had been younger. Jim wasn’t much like that anymore.

 

Khan had retreated to his office in search of some files, leaving Jim alone with Riker.

 

“So you’re Khan’s new squeeze, huh?” Riker teased, grinning easily. Jim felt only a bit uncomfortable with being addressed as such.

 

“I guess I am, yeah.”

 

“Good, maybe now Khan will stop being so uptight,” Jim was a bit surprised by the casual manner in which Riker spoke of Khan. He had never heard any of the other augments refer to Khan in such a way. Jim was violently reminded of Bones when Riker said this, and flinched a bit. Riker didn’t seem to notice. “It’s alright kid, Khan and I go way back. I get to say these things about him because he knows they're true.”  

 

“Uptight is still no way to address your commander,” Khan commented as he reentered the room, flashing a quick look at Jim before placing the located documents on the table and spreading them out for better visibility.

 

“You know I’m right,” Riker laughed, clasping his hand on Khan’s shoulder. Khan glared at him coldly. Jim would have crumbled under such a look, but Riker simply chuckled. “Aww, would you look at him,” Riker cooed, talking to Jim, “He’s trying to act all tough.”

 

“Riker,” Khan commanded, voice commanding but not angry, “There is a task at hand.”

 

Riker flopped into a chair near the table, ruffling his bristly dark hair. Riker ignored Khan, keeping his attention on Jim.

 

“Did you know he’s completely in love with you?” Riker asked, jerking a thumb toward Khan. Jim looked toward his husband, who had gone completely still. For the first time since meeting Khan, Jim saw uncertainty. He even looked a bit panicked, staring at Jim with wide eyes. Jim felt pity for the other man, and pulled his most charming smile.

 

“Well he better be. We’re married.” Jim tossed easily at the pair, before exiting the room, and retreating to their bedroom. His heart raced a bit, and he wasn’t absolutely sure why.

 

Jim thought of this occasion as they ate. He recalled the look of absolute mortification on Khan’s face and smiled.

 

“I wouldn’t mind seeing a little more of Riker, though,” Jim commented finally. Khan raised his eyes in askance. “I liked him.”

 

“I’m sure you did,” Khan said bitterly, obviously recalling the experience as Jim had. “I will see what I can do. Though I’m not sure you two being friends is a very good idea.”

 

This caused Jim to let out a tiny laugh, one which gave Khan goosebumps. Though the two joked, Jim felt a sinking feeling in his stomach that what Riker had said was true. Perhaps Khan really did love Jim. 

 

* * *

 

Every now and again Jim caught evidence of Khan’s devotion. Feigning sleep late one night, he could feel Khan’s eyes upon him. Khan laid on his side, watching Jim in silence. Jim sighed restlessly and opened his eyes, meeting Khan’s. It was no use pretending. For a moment Jim caught sight of the awe in Khan’s face, before it was quickly replaced with a quiet watchfulness. Jim smiled a bit shyly.

 

There was a standard distance between them, one that wasn’t often crossed. Khan rarely touched Jim. In some regard, Jim appreciated this, still unsure of how he felt about his mate.

 

“Is your life different now than it was before?” Khan asked quietly. He watched Jim expectantly, and Jim bit his bottom lip in thought.

 

“Well, yeah. Of course.” He finally replied.

 

“How?” Khan didn’t sound demanding, only curious.

 

“It’s lonely here,” Jim shrugged. “On the Enterprise there was always people. And music. There was always music. It’s too quiet here.”

 

Khan nodded slowly. His face betrayed no emotion, but Jim worried that he may have offended the other man. He watched Khan carefully as Khan turned, facing the ceiling. He spoke without looking at Jim.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“I know.” Jim replied softly. Jim hesitated a moment before moving closer to Khan. Khan turned to watch him, but made no movement to stop his advances. Jim settled close to Khan, his nose just brushing Khan’s shoulder.

 

When Jim awoke, it was to a cold bed. Khan was already gone.

 

* * *

 

The following morning Jim awoke to a much different sensation. The thin, wet tongue of an animal prodded at his nose, and then he cheek. Jim sat up, confused. He caught sight of Khan, perched at the end of their bed, a tiny smirk on his lips.

 

On Jim’s lap sat a puppy, small and brown with tan spots. It’s ears flopped in it’s chubby face, and Jim fell instantly in love. He placed his hand on the puppy’s back, and looked up to Khan expectantly.

 

“He’s an old world breed. German shepherd,” Khan explained, “He is two months old.”

 

“And?” Jim asked, still blinking to sleep out of his eyes. The puppy tottered around on tiny legs, investigating Jim’s sheets.

 

“And he’s yours.” Khan said, sounding as if it was completely obvious.

 

“Mine?”

 

“I hoped it would help with… loneliness,” Khan explained. “I also purchased a music player. I’ve never personally enjoyed music, but if you’d like you can play it whenever. I don’t mind.”

 

Jim stared in awe at the man before him. The puppy nudged at his hand playfully, but Jim had other interests. “Come here,” he demanded. Khan looked confused for a moment, before sliding closer atop the sheets. Jim fisted his hand in Khan’s shirt, pulling him in for a praiseful kiss. Khan was still, reciprocating the kiss with his lips alone. Jim wasn’t sure why he did it. Perhaps it was because he felt like he should. Or maybe he honestly desired it. Either way, Khan seemed to appreciate it.

 

When Jim pulled away, Khan looked surprised but not displeased. Kirk grinned and released his grip on Khan’s shirt. Khan’s own lips twitched a bit joyfully, before he stood from the bed.

 

“I have to go,” Khan explained as Jim pulled the puppy into his lap once more, running his fingers through it’s soft pelt.

 

“Will you be gone all day?” Jim asked. For the first time since he could remember, he didn’t want Khan to leave.

 

“My responsibilities will only take about two hours. If you’d like, I could return once they're finished?” Khan posed it as a question, one to which Jim quickly responded.

 

“Yes. I would like that.” Khan nodded, and visually repressed a smile.

 

“Very well. I will see you at noon.” Khan replied, hesitating slightly and glancing to Jim’s lips. Jim gave a tiny nod, and Khan leaned in to press a goodbye kiss against Jim’s cheek before swiftly leaving the room.

 

Jim stroked his new pet’s head and smiled to himself.

 

Eventually, Jim made his way into the kitchen, the puppy tucked under his arm gently. On the island counter sat several items, including a new stereo system, small but no doubt powerful. Jim set the pup down to inspect the stereo, gasping in pleasant surprise when he noticed that it not only played electronic files, but old time CDs. CDs were not commonly used anymore, to Jim’s displeasure.

 

Jim moved on the the next object on the counter. It was a large metal crate with a small note sitting atop it. Jim held the note between his fingers, and read it curiously.

 

_Jim,_  
 _I contacted Admiral Pike and had these transported over._  
 _Khan_

 

Jim frowned curiously and tossed the note aside, opening the crate. Jim would have been less pleased if the view that greeted him was pure gold. Inside was the entirety of Jim’s CD collection. They were dusty and disorganized, but there and that was all that mattered. Jim grinned as he ran his fingers along the cracked cases, before returning his attention to the other objects.

 

The sight of a large bag of puppy food returned Jim’s attention to his new pet, whom he bent to pick up. Jim placed the puppy on the countertop and stroked between his ears gently, feeling an overwhelming sense of adoration for the augmented human who had just left.

 

“Well,” Jim sighed, “I guess we should find you a name then.” 

 

* * *

 

When Khan returned from work, it was to the only slightly unsatisfactory wail of music. He entered the kitchen to find Jim on the floor, teasing the puppy with a rubber toy Khan had purchased. Khan stopped at the doorway, waiting for Jim to notice him.

 

Both Jim and the puppy saw Khan at the same time, the puppy greeting him with a tiny bark and Jim a grin. Khan wasn’t used to Jim’s smile, and found himself returning it without intent. The puppy wagged his tail at Khan, and waddled forward to smell his shoes.

 

“Oh yeah?” Jim cooed at the animal, “You like him better than me?”

 

“Doubtful.” Khan replied, bending to scratch the animal between the ears. Khan inspected the counter, eyeing the dozen or so CDs sprawled across the surface. He moved forward, studying the remaining CDs in the crate.

 

“You’ve barely made a dent in these.” Khan commented, flipping through the cases idely.

 

“Thank you,” Jim blurted out, standing from the tile floor. Khan eyed him curiously. “For all of this. I… I really appreciate it.”

 

Khan simply nodded, the corner of his mouth twitching upward. The puppy skittered across the floor, chasing some unknown assailant. His nails scratched against the tile comically and both Khan and Jim turned to look at him.

 

“Come here,” Jim called, and the puppy perked it ears at Jim’s voice, prancing toward his owner. Jim picked the animal up and cradled him against his chest. Khan walked around the island, petting the dog in Jim’s arms.

 

“His name is Zeppelin.” Jim told Khan with a grin.

 

“Zeppelin?” Khan asked, quirking an eyebrow.

 

“Yeah. Y’know, Led Zeppelin?” Jim nodded his head toward the stereo, and Khan nodded knowingly.

 

“Ahh, the band. I see. Zeppelin.” Khan continued to pet the dog, looking away from Jim to watch Zeppelin. Zeppelin licked at Khan’s fingertip and Khan repeated the name, watching the dogs ears twitch at the sound of it. Jim smiled to himself, watching the lines in his husbands face soften. Khan really isn’t all that bad looking, he thought to himself.

 

Khan seemed to recognize the tenderness he was betraying, for he suddenly stiffened and removed his hand from the puppy. He turned toward the CDs and coughed awkwardly.

 

“So, are you organizing these or something?” He asked, not meeting Jim’s eyes.

 

“Yeah actually,” Jim placed Zeppelin back on the floor, “I was going to go through all of them and put them in alphabetical order. Do you… want to help?” Khan glanced to Jim and then back to the CDs, hesitation evident on his face. “Come on, it will be fun. I can show you bands as we go.”

 

After several moments Khan nodded. Jim smiled and began stacking the CDs that were already outside of the crate. “We’re going to need quite a bit of space,” he explained, “So we should probably go into the living room.”

 

Khan folded the lid of the crate closed and lifted it with ease, carrying it into the living room without a word. Jim collected the stray CDs and the stereo, following Khan closely. Zeppelin trailed behind Jim, tail wagging. 

 

* * *

 

Khan and Jim unpacked CDs systematically, dusting them off and placing them in stacks according to band name. Occasionally Jim would rip a disc from its case excitedly and exchange it for whatever one was currently playing in the stereo. Khan would nod along to all of Jim’s anecdotes about high school and his crew and concerts he wish he had gone to. Zeppelin had long ago settled himself against Khan’s thigh and fell soundly asleep, much to Jim’s delight. Though Khan pretended it wasn’t so, he appreciated the puppy’s warmth.

 

“Oh god,” Jim grinned, stopping whatever song was currently playing, “The Beatles. We’ve got to listen to the Beatles.” Khan smiled at this as Jim placed the disc in the player and scanned the track list for the song he wanted to hear first.

 

“I remember the Beatles.” Khan commented offhandedly. Jim frowned at him.

 

“What?” He asked, finding the song he wanted and selecting it on the stereo.

 

“I was around when the Beatles first got popular. I was young at the time, and never very interested in music, but I do remember it.” Jim was quiet for several moments, letting the soft sound of gentle music fill the room.

 

“Sometimes I forget how old you are.” Jim commented finally. Khan gave Jim an incredulous smile, causing him to backtrack in a panic. “I don’t mean that in a bad way or anything it’s just… weird you know? I mean, you were alive at the same time as John Lennon! That’s… I mean…”

 

“This is usually when you would make a joke about me looking great for my age.” Khan teased and Jim looked at him with wide eyes. Khan didn’t make jokes. It caught Jim off guard. Suddenly they were both laughing, Jim’s light hearted and playful while Khan’s was a deep chuckle.

 

As the song drew to a close both men stopped their laughter, still smiling at one another. Jim was the one to look away first, turning the CD case over in his hands and waiting for the next song to begin. Neither said a word for several minutes.

 

“You would think I would be more used to change by now, wouldn’t you?” Khan finally commented, still watching Jim. Jim glanced up quickly, feeling small under Khan’s hawk like eyes.

 

“Not necessarily. Change is hard.”

 

“Yes, I suppose it is.” Khan said, returning his focus on the CDs and continuing to sort through them. Jim followed his lead, and they returned to their task. There was no talking this time, however. Instead each man thought about their own personal change and the growth of whatever it was that was blossoming between them.

 

Jim let the CD run it’s course, not once interrupting it with another. For this, Khan was grateful.

 

* * *

 

Jim loved Zeppelin. He absolutely adored the puppy. Even more than he adored the puppy, however, he adored how Khan acted around Zeppelin. He didn’t often let Jim see his moments of gentility, the way he doted on the animal. Jim would occasionally catch sight of Khan asleep with Zeppelin, curled around the animal in their shared bed.

 

One evening Jim sat on the living room floor, rolling and twisting on the carpet as Zeppelin chased him about. The pair were being followed by Khan’s attentive gaze as he sat at the nearby kitchen table. Jim laughed as Zeppelin bit at his fingers and let out frustrated little barks when Jim would ruffle his ears.

 

Jim stopped suddenly, looking up at Khan. Khan was caught off guard by Jim’s sudden movement, and Jim saw the adoration on his sharp features. Jim grinned at his husband.

 

“Well come on then!” Jim said, beckoning Khan to join him, “You know you want to play with Zep, too.”

 

Khan shook his head and returned to his work, but Jim could see the confliction in his face. Jim returned his attention to Zeppelin, teasing the puppy with a gentle push. Zeppelin growled and leapt at Jim. Jim rolled onto his back, letting the puppy climb onto his chest, chewing on the zipper of his thick hoodie.

 

Khan was watching the pair again, indecision clear on his face. Finally he made a decision, standing from his chair and moving to sit beside Jim. Jim grinned at Khan, and Zeppelin lurched forward, nipping at Khan’s sleeve.

 

“No biting,” Khan warned, running his fingers across the carpet and letting Zeppelin chase them. Jim continued to smirk at Khan, who met his eyes cautiously.

 

“What?” Khan asked, picking Zeppelin up and placing the dog in his lap.

 

“I won’t tell.”

 

“Tell what?” Khan asked, leaning forward and letting Zeppelin lick at his chin.

 

“I won’t tell that the Augment’s commander is really just a big softy.”

 

Khan narrowed his eyes at Jim, but there was a tiny smile on his lips which Jim found incredibly endearing. Catalyzed by Khan’s expressions of tenderness, Jim found that with every inch his love for Khan grew, his hatred did as well.

 

He hated that Khan was the reason he was finding it more and more difficult to say he missed home. 

 

* * *

 

“It really is kind of beautiful here,” Jim commented offhandedly one evening as the two walked in Khan’s exceptionally large yard, Zeppelin prancing around in the plants. Khan raised an eyebrow at Jim, but said nothing. “It is! I mean, it’s nothing like Earth, but… I don’t know. I guess I’m just getting used to it.”

 

“If it was allowed, I would move us to Earth.” Khan said, sounding a bit forlorn.

 

“Why?” Jim asked.

 

“Because you like it better there.”

 

“I like it here, too, though.” Jim laughed, standing up on his toes to locate Zeppelin. “Zep, hey! Come!” He called, stopping underneath a tremendous willow-like tree, deciding that as long as they were out here, they might as well watch the sunset. Khan stopped as well.

 

“You would never live here if you had the choice not to.” Khan sounded absolutely heartbroken, and Jim wondered what brought on this sudden sadness.

 

“Well, no, obviously not. This isn’t exactly a hotspot for non-augmented humans, though. I mean, even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t really be accepted here, Khan.”

 

Khan seemed to ignore Jim’s point, continuing to stare out across the horizon. Jim leaned against the tree trunk casually watching Khan.

 

“What is all this about?” Jim asked. Khan didn’t say a word and Jim sighed, sinking into a sitting position, his back against the tree. Zeppelin pressed his paws against Jim’s thigh and nuzzled his shoulder, sensing his distress. The sun continued to set around the silent group.

 

As the sky darkened Zeppelin settled in Jim’s lap and let out a tiny bark, watching Khan. Jim stroked his puppy’s ears and called out to his estranged mate.

 

“Zep wants you to come and sit down.” At Jim’s words Khan turned and shuffled forward, backlit by the remains of natural light. He settled beside Jim against the tree, their shoulders touching. “Khan, it’s not that I don’t like it here, you know that right?” Khan remained quiet. “It’s just that it’s such a huge change, you know? It’s… so different from what I was used to.”

 

“You’re lonely here.” Khan said quietly. Jim sighed.

 

“I was lonely here. It’s better now. Things are… different now.”

 

“Because of Zeppelin?”

 

“And because of you.”

 

“Me?”

 

“Yes, you, you big dork,” Jim laughed, hitting his shoulder against Khan’s, “I actually like being around you, you know that?” Khan watched Jim for any sign of untruthfulness, which Khan found to be equal parts entertaining and tragic. “Just because this isn’t the life I would have chosen for myself doesn’t mean I hate that it happened.”

 

“I see,” Khan said, suppressing a smile. Jim grinned and leaned his head against Khan’s shoulder, feeling a deep warmth grow in his stomach. He felt safe here.

 

That night, Jim and Khan slept curled around Zeppelin, facing each other like parentheses. Khan’s hand found Jim’s in the night, and Jim discovered he quite liked the way it fit intertwined with his own. 

 

* * *

 

Khan liked to pretend he was indifferent to the music Jim played. He would simply shrug and turn his nose away when Jim offered to play music during dinner or while they lounged around the house. Jim’s suspicions of this facade were confirmed when he arrived home from taking Zeppelin on a walk to hear the soft sounds of Across the Universe playing in the kitchen.

 

Khan sat at the counter, bent over a PAD, most likely checking on some update. Jim waited at the doorway for Khan to notice him, only deciding to speak when he realized Khan was far too engrossed in whatever he was doing to have heard Jim come in.

 

“It’s honestly pretty ironic that you choose this song,” Jim said, laughing as Khan jumped a bit in his chair, whipping around to look at Jim.

 

“I thought you were taking Zeppelin for a walk.” He accused, narrowing his eyes.

 

“I did,” Jim said, walking toward the kitchen and fiddling with the replicator, “Want me to go take another one so you can finish your song and continue to pretend that you don’t like music?”

 

“I don’t pretend I don’t like music.” Khan sounded a bit offended, causing Jim to continue laughing.

 

“Yes you do.” He laughed, turning around to watch Khan, who simply stared back. Jim tapped a few commands into the stereo, allowing his favorite song to play once Khan’s had finished. Khan watched him as Jim bit his bottom lip and gestured for Khan to stand. Khan did as Jim requested.

 

“Come here,” Jim said, pulling Khan closer and placing his hands on Khan’s hips. Khan stood still, confusion evident on his face. “Dance with me.” Jim commanded.

 

“I don’t dance.” Khan said stoically, refusing to move.

 

“You do now,” Jim grinned, placing Khan’s hands on his shoulders before replacing his own hands on Khan’s hips. He could feel the warmth of Khan’s body, a feeling that was oddly comforting. Jim swayed a bit, allowing Khan to move with him. The movement was jerky and awkward, but deeply endearing. Jim smiled at his husband. Even with his face contorted into a frown, Jim thought Khan looked absolutely stunning.

 

“For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see, there will be an answer, let it be,” Jim sang softly, wrapping his arms around Khan’s neck and pressing his forehead against Khan’s muscled shoulder. Khan tightened his arms around Jim’s waist and allowed himself to relax against Jim’s smaller form, burying his nose in his lover’s hair.

 

The two shared warmth and comfort and love in their tiny kitchen, enjoying their soft moments of peace. 

 

* * *

 

Jim sprawled out on the couch later that night, watching the news, when Khan entered looking a bit distressed. He didn’t speak, he simply made his way across the room and settled on the floor, leaning against the couch.

 

Zeppelin scooted toward Khan on Jim’s lap and licked at Khan’s dark hair. Khan turned toward the puppy as a response and petted the dog slowly. He was deep in thought, and Jim began to worry a bit.

 

“What’s going on?” He asked nervously.

 

“Nothing of importance.” Khan said, meeting Jim’s eyes for a moment, before turning completely, so he sat crossed legged on the floor, facing the couch. Jim propped himself up on his elbow a bit, watching Khan. Khan didn’t express much emotion, which made Jim feel all the more nervous.

 

“Are we a family?” Khan asked finally. Jim let out a laugh of pure relief. This wasn’t a matter of breached security or imminent danger. It was just Khan’s personal insecurities, which, for the record, were scary in their own right.

 

“Generally you consider your husband your family, yes.” Jim laughed.

 

“That wasn’t what I was asking.” Khan said coldly, narrowing his eyes at Jim. Jim smiled easily at Khan.

 

“Yeah. Yeah, we’re a family.”

 

Khan’s shoulders sagged with relief as he murmured a soft, “Good,” under his breath and turned back around, leaning against the couch once more. Jim threaded gentle fingers through Khan’s hair. Even though Khan didn’t like to admit it, he needed comfort every now and again. 

 

* * *

 

For reasons unbeknownst to Jim, Khan drew physically distant over the next few weeks. He worked more often, and returned late at night. Jim hadn’t realized how much time they were spending together until it was suddenly taken away.

 

Emotionally, however, Khan was closer to Jim than ever. He drew warmth and comfort out of Jim as desired, curling up against Jim’s side at night and nuzzling against the blonde's neck in need of reassurance. Jim wasn’t sure why this was happening, but he knew he didn’t like it.

 

The distance grew, until it culminated in a frankly terrifying awakening.

 

The first thing Jim was aware of when he awoke was Khan’s loud and angry voice. The second was Zeppelin’s cowering form at Jim’s side. Khan was yelling, his voice carrying easily across their small house from the living room where Jim assumed he was.

 

Another voice joined Khan’s shortly after. It was that of another augment, Riker. To hear them yell at one another was worrying.

 

“You can’t just opt out of this. This isn’t your choice, Khan,” Riker’s voice boomed. Jim placed a hand on Zeppelin’s trembling head, and sat up in bed, swinging his legs over the side.

 

“It damn well better be,” Khan roared. Jim hesitated, unsure of whether or not he should try and stop the yelling, or remain in his room, “I have a family now and I’m not about to just throw that away.”

 

Jim’s heart sank. Was this about him?

 

“You don’t have a family, Khan, you have a whore to keep you entertained that’s --” Riker was cut off by the distinct sound of skin hitting skin. There was a second punch, and then a third. Jim dashed out of the room as quickly as he could, praying that they didn’t kill each other before he got there.

 

Jim burst into the room. Khan’s back was turned, his shoulders heaving as he glared at Riker, whose nose and mouth were bleeding profusely.

 

“Get out.” Khan growled dangerously. Riker’s eyes flashed to Jim before he turned and left, hands held to his face to slow the bleeding.

 

Jim made a movement toward Khan haltingly, unsure of what the best course of action was. “I suggest you don’t come near me right now,” Khan sounded absolutely wrecked, his voice raw with left over anger and his entire body trembling.

 

“You aren’t going to hurt me,” Jim said gently, approaching Khan slowly. Khan turned to stare at Jim, his lips pressed together in a tight line. Khan’s nose was bleeding as well. Jim sighed, not having realize that Khan had gotten hit too. “Maybe you should sit down?” Jim suggested. Khan hesitated a moment before nodding and lowering himself slowly into the nearby armchair.

 

Jim made his way into the kitchen, finding a hand towel and wetting it with warm water. He then returned to Khan and crouched in front of him. Khan wouldn’t meet his eyes. Jim pressed the cloth to Khan’s pale skin, wiping the blood away and inspecting the damage. Khan’s lip trembled ever so slightly.

 

“I scared Zeppelin.” Khan whispered, wide quicksilver eyes searching Jim’s face.

 

“You scared me a bit, too,” Jim laughed nervously, placing the blood soaked towel on the end table. Khan’s nose had already stopped bleeding and was beginning to quickly heal. Jim perched on the arm of the chair, waiting for Khan to make the next move.

 

Khan recognized the offering instantly, wrapping his arms around Jim’s waist and pulling him down so he sat securely in Khan’s lap. The commander’s long fingers dug into Jim’s back as Khan struggled to get closer to his lover. Jim held Khan close, letting him bury his face in Jim’s neck and stroked his back as he choked his way through sobs.

 

“This wasn’t supposed to happen,” Khan gasped into Jim’s skin, his hands tightening around the fabric of Jim’s shirt.

 

“What wasn't?” Jim asked gently.

 

“I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with you.” 

 

* * *

 

Jim and Khan made love that afternoon for the first time since the consummation of their marriage. It was slow and sweet and nothing like their first time. Khan kissed with a desperate hunger, and licked into Jim’s mouth with trembling uncertainty. Jim stroked shaky moans out of his husband and whispered nonsense into his hair.

 

Jim could feel Khan’s fear in every open-mouthed kiss he pressed against his back and even though Khan hadn’t said what had happened, Jim knew. Things were going to change now.

 

After a wavering climax Khan nuzzled against Jim’s shoulder. Khan told Jim about the war with the Klingons. He said it had something to do with money and resources, but Jim didn’t listen.

 

In fact, Jim stopped listening when Khan said, “It is my duty as commander to lead the initial attack.”

 

After that, Jim’s whole world faded back to a dull grey.

 


End file.
